Posted on by Biggs

Ask Mr. Biggs #0019 – Mr. Biggs Tweaks the Promotions Calendar

In this episode we learn that Mr. Biggs. . .

  • Feels strongly about matching pipe and joint sizes.
  • Extols the expertise of computer manufacturer-provided technical assistance workers.
  • Has doubts about gender authenticity in the celebrity impersonation industry.
  • Uses popular promotions to stimulate customer activity.
  • Laments the flavor degradation of slightly over-cooked coffee.
  • Questions the feasibility of keeping specialty beverage consumption accessories on hand.

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98 Replies to “Ask Mr. Biggs #0019 – Mr. Biggs Tweaks the Promotions Calendar”

  3. After listening (about a dozen times)… Wow – one of the best yet! It appears Mr. Biggs is hitting his stride with the on-air delivery. Great stuff!

    BTW – the spastic guy having a birthday sounds JUST LIKE someone with which I work. Hard not to chuckle when I see him now.

    I’m off to acquire a gross of Krazy Straws!

    Your Rabid Fan,
    Big E

  4. nothing better on a crappy day than to realize that there is a new Ask Mr. Biggs episode. I feel for poor Roger.

    Thanks!

  5. Holy bestiality, Mr. Biggs! I’m definitely going to be wary of the sizes of certain pipes and sockets from now on. You’ve shown me the error in my ill-socketing ways.

    On a side-note, Armando needs to do a better job of screening those calls. More and more of the crazies keep getting through. Well… maybe that means he needs to do less screening…. Either way, keep up the good work!

  6. Did I miss something here? People are saying this is the BEST show? That was not my experience… believe you me.

  7. I’m with you, George.

    Even so…I find your comment hurtful.

    Very hurtful.

    -Biggs

  8. My comment wasn’t meant to be hurtful (are there 2 Ls in hurtful or just the 1?) I was recently thinking this show wasn’t up to snuff like, for example, show #0006. Now that was some boffo fun! An lavish extraganza of guffaws, chortles and good old fashioned snickering. I can only encourage you to not give up. Gotta run… medications time.
    -George

  9. Perhaps this episode in no comedic-value replica of show #0018, but it brings with it jolly old times nonetheless. Don’t be insulting perfectly good material and incurring Mr. Biggs’s wrath upon us all just because of your selfish obsession with L’s and chortles. Biggs does not sound a man who I’d like to run into in that dark alley behind Whizzbang’s. Quit trying to anger him!

  11. George.

    George.

    Be nice.

    We need the listeners.

    I won’t have you chasing them away with a rake.

    -Biggs

  12. Man Biggs, you gotta lotta rules.
    I would die for this show… but then again I’d die for a chili dog and a coke. Life is cheap out here in the tall corn of the midwest.

  13. Not too many rules. It’s quite OK to offer the show constructive criticism. Just don’t attack other posters. We need every download we get.

    Not that you were attacking…I’m just offering a preemptive yellow flag.

    Now, let’s all get back to spreading the good word about how wonderful a creation this podcast is. So many people that don’t even know we’re here.

    Go. Find them. Teach them.

    -Biggs

  14. In no way did I make a person attack. Destin did personally attack me: “just because of your selfish obsession”. Why don’t you preemptively yellow card him? Or is he one of your golfing buddies? I’m as mad as a Keebler Elf who has been demoted to fudge-packer and I am not going to take it anymore.

    HARUMPH! I say GOOD DAY SIR!!

  16. I look forward to it, George. I always enjoy our conversations.

    Say hello to the little woman for me.

    -Biggs

    P.S. – The yellow flag is not directed AT you. It’s general. Show comments and criticisms are welcome, but shots at other posters are not. I was just stepping in before things got out of hand. Looks like in the nick of time, too. You’re fiesty! In a good way.

    And yes, just so folks know, I’ll delete posts I feel go over the line.

    After all, this show is about me.

    -Again, Biggs

  18. Now there is a left handed compliment if I ever saw one! Of course show #19 is in the top 20… Sheesh!
    Talk about wasting ones and zeros.

    Hey, Sweden kicked Greece’s butt today in UEFA cup soccer. When is the good old US of A going to field a good soccer team?

  19. Jesus, George. That was humor. I was making a humorous comment. What’s your last name, Bush? See that was also a humorous comment. Well, I thought it was funny.

  20. Sorry if my humor is too subtle for you McJuggies.
    BTW, hands off George Bush… he also serves who sits on the sidelines and drinks excessively.

  21. I guess I lack comedic sophistication, George. And it’s McJuggles with an “L”, not “McJuggies” although to be honest I kinda like your spoonerish misspelling.

  22. While we are being honest here I think there are only 2 posters here. Myself and Biggs himself posing as adoring fans. How many hits does this podcast get a week?

  23. I have passed this podcast along to my friends and added the RSS. Working my way back to listening to previous episodes. Love your subtlety – keep it up!

    How about some party pic of you guys at Whizzbangs? Get a shot of Roger and Armondo.

  25. You know what Mr. Biggs needs? A Twitter account! Roger too! And Armando!

    We’re living in the space age, right? Velcro shoes and all that! Mr. Biggs should delve right into social networking.

  26. So… been a while since the last episode. Should we be expecting one any time soon? Or has Mr. Biggs decided to concentrate on Whizzbang’s to the exclusion of all else? Or does he have a girlfriend? That might explain a few things.

  27. I thought I fell off the notification list until I checked back here and found out that Biggs is just sitting on his ass down at Whizbangs and playing tittywinks with the cocktail waitress.

    How long must we endure this self-indulgence before we get another episode?

  29. We’re still here, nubbins.

    We’ve been busy enjoying our summer. River rafting, campfire songs, fireworks, lemonade, catching fireflies, Roger’s short-shorts,…all good fun.

    Sorry for the delay. We’ll be along shortly. In the meantime, why not enjoy a cold Whizzbanger? It’s refreshing, especially in these warmer months.

    -Biggs

  30. Fireflies?!! You lying sack! They don’t have fireflies in California. So what else have you been lying about to us? Roger’s so-called affair with Lt. Jim Dangle of Reno 911? Or Armondo’s falsified green card? I don’t think any cheezey Whizzbanger is going to wash down the stench of corruption here.

    I say good day to you sir.

  31. Q: What is black and blue on white besides the dog here?
    A: Bigg’s girlfriend after a heavy night of drink for Biggs.

  32. Mr. Biggs you have helped so many and asked for nothing in return. Except for maybe a little patronage at your establishment. You sir are a true credit to the human race. Keep up the good work!

  33. May 27? Is that correct? May 27th is the last time you guys posted a show? Is the a podcaster writer strike going on? Have we fallen into disfavor? Did we forget to say please?

  34. I think we can all agree that Biggs has touched our lives. Unfortunately he has also touched some of our children.

  35. Is there an Olympic event for podcast posting procrastination? If so, Biggs is a shoe in for the gold!

  36. I thought that after the software upgrade that Biggs would have deleted all these insipid (mostly of the moronic ones are mine) comments and make a clean breast of it… oh! I said breast… me so horny…. bye… gotta go take care of something… ahhhhhhhhhh…. oh baby! Who’s yer daddy….. ahhhhh

  38. Please Mr. Biggs fill us in about what is happening at that cute partyplace of yours. I’ve been listening to John C. Dvorak for far to long now.

  40. 40 comments! Must be a new world record. Unless of course you divide by 3 based upon the promise of 1 show a month and it has been 3 months. Take the result and multiply it by the squareroot of Wednesday and you have the number of (DELETED IN THE INTEREST OF NATIONAL SECURITY) and it’s just that simple. I don’t know about you guys but I need a new show.

  41. He didn’t PROMISE anything. Quit spamming and complaining that there’s no new show. You should try finding something to do other than harassing Biggs for not serving your every whim.

  43. Kids, kids….

    Don’t make me turn the comments off.

    So help me God I will.

    I’m reviewing calls now for a new episode. You’re distacting me with your vitriol.

    -Biggs

  44. Vitriol… my mom used to drink that for iron-poor blood… or maybe that was gin. Hard to remember because she used to hit me on the head a lot.

  45. I propose that everybody who enjoys this podcast send Mr. Biggs $5 by Paypal. If I know our Biggsy, once he gets a sniff of the money he will start cranking out the shows like a meth-head.

    “Cranking”, “meth”, get it? Get it? Oh nevermind.

  46. I guess we will have to wait until Biggs fixes the Paypal link. It didn’t work for me. Or maybe I am doing it wrong. Somebody help me get rid of this filthy lucre.

  49. Okay folks, I slid Biggs 5 bucks via the paypal link. If enough of you follow suit then MAYBE we can light a fire under his butt to get him to make a new show.

  51. Thanks, George.

    It’s true. He gave $5.

    In the interest of full transparency in podcasting, we intend to fully disclose how all donated funds are spent.

    I used my $2.50 to purchase a tin of Altoid’s Peppermint Chewing Gum.

    Roger used his to make a payment on his Bed, Bath & Beyond Layaway Plan.

    Thank you. And yes, episode #0020 is currently in pre-production. In return for this $5 donation, we will spend a full hour this afternoon editing phone calls.

    -Biggs

  52. Rebecca just ponied up a 10 spot.

    Ok. Now the pressure’s mounting.

    You folks seem to be serious.

    Stand by for a rundown on that 10 bucks….

    -Biggs

  53. I can hardly wait! Not for the episode, to find out what you bought. I get the same kind of thrill when those paparazzi-types dig through celebrities’ garbage and tell me all about their stuff. I’m so pumped!

  54. Come on folks! Don’t make Rebecca and me do all the heavy lifting. Send anything. $1, $5, $10, the $200 bucks you won at the track. We gotta get this thing moving! (Lo siento, no Pesos, por favor)

  55. I believe we have a call line up.

    We’ll set up a recording session shortly.

    Destin…thanks again for your donation.

    I spent my half on premium Finest Call Grenadine.

    Roger spent a portion of his on pens, and is saving the rest for a dry spell. This sub-prime mortgage thing has him all katywhompus.

    -Biggs

  56. I’m glad to hear that Roger finally got a better Pen 15. Judging by his excited reaction to their mention, it seems like he sure loves those things.

  57. I’m in for $10, and just so you know, I was saving that for a bottle of Boone’s Farm (Orange Hurricane).

  58. What a pleasant surprise you people are bringing!

    I was about to go spend Danny’s 10 spot on a bulk pack of microwave popcorn. Then Roger mentioned that we should probably be saving these generous donations to pay for hosting costs.

    So that’s what I’m gunna do.

    But once that’s all paid off…those new burgundy floormats for my Miata are as good as mine!

    Thanks again to Danny, and all of you who have decided to donate.

    You’ve re-energized to project…and 0020 is well on it’s way.

    -Biggs

  59. I’m considering lifting the skirt a bit more for your hard-core folks.

    Would anyone be interested in listening in to a live stream of the next episode being recorded?

    It’s a long tedious process. But some of you may find it interesting, and perhaps would further appreciate the effort that goes into producing an episode.

    It would be a winamp/shoutcast stream.

    I’ll consider it based on response here.

    Begin voting now.

    -Biggs

  65. I’m in on the live stream idea! If we have any, can we post questions or suggestions after we hear it?

  67. You missed the part with the poor German where you said that you only listen to podcasts.

    This is having low voter turn-out… I’m afraid that we may need to a run a TV ad if we’re to get Biggs to do this! Or… perhaps he’ll be persuaded by the international outpouring of support from a Brazilian and an unconvincing German. Either way, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity; it’s not just any day that The Great Biggs offers to show us his magic. We can’t let it pass us up… we have to do something!

  68. Hey Biggs, I hope you got my ten bucks. And I hope you do another show soon – this stuff is great, and your show is amazing!

  69. Yes! Skirt!
    I was actually hoping you would do something like that- I’ve been curious how it’s put together.

  71. A few things,

    First and foremost…a sincere thank you to all who have donated recently. I had no idea people would actually care enough to shell out hard-earned cash to support the show. But a lot of you have. You’ve paid for our hosting costs, and we’re working towards next year’s as well. So again, thanks. (NO, we will NEVER charge for the show. It’ll always be a “give something if you want” kinda deal.)

    Secondly, there seems to be enough interest in the behind-the-scenes stream. But I want to make a few things clear.

    1-It’s still not a done deal. Still working out the technical feasibility.
    2-This, if done at all, will be a one time event. We want to focus on the production, not the stream.
    3-The recording sessions are long, at night, and lack most of the bells and whistles you may expect from the show. Those are edited in later. You’ll only hear phone calls and the two of us talking, doing retakes of poorly worded segments, and making things up as we go along. In short, it’s likely to be very boring, for some of you. But there may be cursing, so there’s that.
    4- IF we pull this off, we’ll only be able to accommodate 64 listeners. So it’ll be first come first served. I’ll give you a date and time a day or so ahead of time, and a link to the stream will be posted here as soon as it’s up and running.

    Let’s hope it happens. Could be fun.

    -CR (Biggs)

  72. I’m not sure why Destin always has a boner for me in the “giving George shit department” but I am sure I don’t care.

  73. Things are looking good for the stream.

    We just have to get the phone calls edited…then we’ll announce what night we’ll be recording.

    It’ll be a weeknight, sometime after 7pm Pacific. Could run an hour or two.

    -CR (Biggs)

    P.S. – Matt, got it! And thanks!

    P.P.S – McMonkey, certainly questions are accepted. The answers are likely to disappoint, however.

  74. Hooray! The Great Biggs truly is a noble man. I can hardly wait… we’ve all been suffering withdrawals waiting for the next show, but the wait sure sounds like it will be worth it. It’s still going to be recorded so we can listen to the live version again if we so desire, right? It’d be a shame to not be able to relive such pricelessness.

  75. Certainly.

    The “live version” will be like sitting in as a live audience during a sitcom. Kinda dry, awkward, and without any flair.

    Then, we edit and prepare, fix the gaffs, and post the completed show ASAP.

    Listening to the “Live Stream” and listening to the completed show will be two very different experiences. And it will hopefully help some of you to understand exactly how much work goes into the show.

    Stand By!

    -CR (Biggs)

  77. Yes. I’d be very interested in the live stream. Being on the east coast I’d probably be able to get it at work (unless Websense block it )

  78. We’re looking at this Monday evening at 7:15ish Pacific.

    Save the date.

    Check back here for the URL.

    While you wait, you may to make sure you have a media player capable of playing a *.PLS media stream.

    These include Winamp, iTunes, VLC, RealPlayer, and several other players. Windows Media Player will not work without a codec added.

    -Biggs

  81. Great. See you Monday Evening.

    But a clarification…it’s a recording session only. We won’t subject you to the editing. That would drive you insane.

    -Biggs

  85. LOVE the livecast!!! Cool as hell, but learned some things early on that I probably didn’t want to know. Post Production is where all sorts of magic happens!

  86. Thanks guys that was really awesome.

    My only question is, whither Wizzbangs? Not a single mention? Is that section done seperately?

  88. Hahaha, I remember hearing the original ‘G-Man’ phone call (search youtube for ‘Gordon Freeman Radio’ or something), being a half life fan. Loved how you guys turned it around.

    Do you guys use something like a flash soundboard, where you can play clips of the phone call just by clicking on different buttons, so you can quickly make the caller say what you want them to say?

  89. No soundboard. It’s a continuous recording that we’ve edited and arranged in the order we need.

    -Biggs

  91. Thanks for the livecast, Biggs! That was a blast, I taped it and listened in the car today. Can’t wait to hear the finished show!

  92. “Love you Biggs, you are truly a gentleman’s gentleman these days.”

    He’s a valet?

  93. We’ve decided after listening that the first call fell kinda flat. So we’re re-recording that portion tonight. Hopefully you will notice the difference.

    -Biggs

  97. Just shows what you know.

    Editing it right now.

    Post will be in a few hours.

    So there, jerkass. Chew on that. You jerkass.

    But I mean jerkass in a nice way.

    -Biggs

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